Yelling from across the room

I read somewhere that in order to really get your kids attention, talking to them rather then yelling at them is more effective. I didn't post yesterday because I was really tired, but I really want this to be real and not just something that I want to do, but become serious about it, so I decided to post this morning. Yesterday went really well. I was aware of what I was doing with my actions, words, and emotions all day. When we were outside playing and Dawson was acting really tired (he hasn't been sleeping well because I think he feels the anxiety of what is coming up next week) so when he was starting to act out, when I told him to stop doing something and he would have melt downs I just gave him choices. For example I told him either he could put himself into time out and come out when he feels like he has calmed down enough to play nicely or I could put him into time out and he would have to stay in there longer and wait until I told him to come out. That seemed to work really well. Disciplining children is such a trial and error part of life, something might work for one kid, but not for the other, or it may not work all the time. But yesterday since I was more aware of my actions and feelings it felt like I was more aware of what Dawson's feelings were and that seemed to prepare both of us of what to do next when those fits arose. I felt more bonded with my kids. I have tried to use choices with my kids in the past, but I wasn't very consistent. Sometimes I would let them choose what could happen and how it happened, but most of the time it was my way or the highway and that is when the yelling episodes would usually happen. But yesterday I tried to give my kids options more often and that seemed to calm them and myself down quicker and it was just a lot more effect. Since I've had this goal in mind and literally in my mind all the time I have been happier and yesterday proved that because I actually just forgot that my dishes needed done for a moment and sat down to read books with my boys while Sydnee was at school and we all enjoyed it. It felt good to hold my boys on my lap with them not fighting, but just enjoying the company of me and each other. I read to my kids, but it's always rushed and "just one book kids", this time I read until they decided they were done. Sure my dishes still need done, but I can do that this morning while Brandon is home playing with them and I can enjoy their laughs and giggles from the kitchen and be grateful for my life and who is in it. And when Syd got home from school I was so excited to see her and she was happier because she went to school happier because I didn't yell at her to hurry up and get ready. I was calm the whole morning and we enjoyed each other. We are still not perfect and this is going to take a lot of work, dedication, and time, but I'm so grateful I have decided to change and work for it. I told Brandon what I was doing and he is so supportive and we are doing it together. I think it will be easier with him around because we can be reminders of what we are trying to do. One thing I have learned from yesterday is that yes sometimes you have to yell at your kids, but I want to call this yelling towards them, because you're not in their face yelling at them, but rather you aren't next to them and they are about to run in the road when there is a car coming. That I feel is an ok time to yell towards them as a warning to stop so they don't get hurt. Another thing I learned yesterday that when I am needing something done by my kids or I need them to help me with something, when I would yell for them or at them from across the room or down the hall and they weren't doing what I wanted them to do then that is when I would want to yell at them for not doing what I asked them to do in the first place. I learned that it is more effective when you go to them and say to them "I really need to get your toys cleaned up so we go to bed, or eat dinner, or play outside" and then if dinner wasn't on the stove then you could have a bonding moment like teaching them how to clean and making it fun. I have known all this of for a while, but I am finally making it an action rather then just a thought in the back of my mind. It's becoming so much more clearer and I'm felling good about it. I do still believe you need to be stern with your kids, like when they are being mean with other kids, but being stern and yelling are two different things completely. You can go up to them if they hit another child and talk to them like they are a person. This can be a learning opportunity for them to learn to apologize when they have done something wrong. I feel that there still needs to be consequences when they are in the wrong, but they won't hear you if you are yelling it to them. All they hear and see is your mom or dad being scary and they can't understand what you are saying. I am so glad I have started this goal and I am so excited for the difference it is going to make in our family. I'm far from perfect at it and I have so much to learn, but I will be learning for the rest of my life with every situation that comes and different ways to handle it with each child. But this is a goal worth working for.